I heard from many people about yesterday’s post, ‘What does it mean to have your space?.
I’m actually not at all surprised about the great response; many people today are working on this very concept. As our society and world have begun to move faster and faster every day, there seems to be less time and space for oneself, and for silence.
Silence is so rare nowadays that when a city dweller goes somewhere quiet and rural, what is often noticed first is “how quiet it is here”. It can be an uncomfortable experience, silence. It’s amazing to become aware of the silence, and realize you haven’t heard silence for years. Yes, it is something to hear.
It’s kind of soothing to be constantly surrounded by sound. We are all programmed to have sound, all the time. In LA on any given day one can hear: people, helicopters, car alarms, traffic, car horns, sirens, voices, music, cell phones, crickets, someone’s TV, birds chirping, the neighbors’ cats fighting for seniority out in the yard. And as for city light – when’s the last time you saw absolute darkness without light pollution? Saw a beautiful dark night sky without artificial light affecting it?
Technology has created new ways for each of us to have to constantly respond to each other, all the time. We are all in each others’ space. Hey, what’s your status update, and have you tweeted today?
That’s one very good reason I see for finding one’s own space, and learning what that feels like. Can you imagine going your entire life not knowing what is you, and what is not? When you always have a cast of thousands in your space, it can be difficult to actually find you.
At a party recently, I gave a reading to a woman who was absolutely petrified by the idea of having her own space, and knowing herself better. She was terrified, and that isn’t an exaggeration. I didn’t try to convince her that she should do anything different, but gently suggested that getting to know herself better would be a way she could heal herself. She was so connected to others in her life, and had already convinced herself that when the kids grew up and everything changed she’d be having a very hard time. I could see that it was hard for her to let go of what she had sunk her being into. She identified herself with the others around her. Doing that helped her feel safe. She isn’t wrong, but when things do change, it may be difficult for her to still feel safe.
Many of us have done the very same thing. Perhaps someone has sunk their identity into their job and now it’s been eliminated. Or a relationship, and that has gone away too. The idea here is not a negative one about everything going away and leaving you all alone.
You are never alone, because you have yourself. When you make friends with that self and work from that place, life is never lonely. There is a trust within, which is more valuable than anything I can imagine. You become your own counsel. You have your space. Your most valuable relationship is the one you have with yourself. Every other relationship comes from that one. It is all about consciousness, as in: what is your relationship with yourself? Do you like you? Or are you very critical of yourself, in ways you’d not be to others? These are all good questions to ask, in this brave new world of ours.