Spiritual agreements

mandarin_swim_closeup_5632_lToday’s question came from several readers of last week’s post. Here goes:

“Why is it that other people get angry when I change?”

While I can’t begin to speak for everyone in every situation, I do have a few things to say here. I began to notice this same strange thing many years ago, the first time I made changes in my life that I thought were very good for me. In my enthusiasm, I thought my friends would think so too, and I was surprised to find that some of them Did Not Like my new ways of being.

Weird! Whatever has gotten into so-and-so anyway? Why am I suddenly being punished for making my life better for me? Why is my friend taking my personal choices, um, so personally?! It’s not about her/him anyway, this is my life!

A few things I’ve noticed through the years: it’s not personal when someone gets angry because you have changed. They may have to change now too, and perhaps don’t want to. You may have been keeping this person grounded by being there for her. You change, and suddenly your friend feels the ground slipping out from beneath his feet. You may have unwittingly become responsible for your friend in some way.

You may have an agreement with a whole group of friends to match at a certain level.

You pull out of this agreement by changing yourself, and the whole group notices. You are upsetting the apple cart. It’s not a problem, but what you may handle as a result is resistance because you are, perhaps blithely, destroying an old way of being that everyone was in agreement with. Destroying isn’t necessarily bad, and the old agreement could have been stunting your growth. Remember that if you are agreeing to be like a lot of others, you may not get to shine and be yourself.

Recently I have given a lot of readings to people who are tired of being the back up band. They are sick of being the support crew, keeping everything together for others. They may have stayed in that position for far longer than they wanted to, in fear of angering or hurting anyone else. It is often when they can no longer handle the stress, or when their bodies force them to make the change, that they are able to step away from the old agreements. Some of them are even willing to let go of that old devil, guilt: the gift that keeps on giving!

This is where honesty comes into play. Your honesty, with yourself.

What is it you truly want to do and be? Do you use someone else’s problems and feelings as your excuse to not do your thing? When you create something and a friend throws a hissy, can you still do the thing you set out to do? If you decide to drop an old way of being, is there a demand that you explain yourself to everyone? Can you let it go, and be true to you?

You may have a desire during these times of great inner change to step away from everyone else and have your own space.

This is a positive in many ways, though you do not have to be isolated to do so. It is useful to learn and then use some tools that can help you with all of this: grounding, releasing other energies, and bringing your own energy back. Having time by yourself to meditate can help you find your answers about who you are and where you are going. Forgiveness can help you release everyone else’s resistance and problems about what it is you choose to do.

Ultimately, what you decide to do with your life is your business. Why not have it be a Fun business?

I teach Grounding Workshops and Meditation Classes in the Los Angeles area. For more information about my classes, please see my website: http://KrisCahill.com.

©Kris Cahill

Photo: *LINNY* on Flickr  “Mandarin duck”

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4 thoughts on “Spiritual agreements

  1. Great post, so true.

    I have a question for a future post; you wrote, “Forgiveness can help you release everyone else’s resistance and problems about what it is you choose to do.” Would you talk more about that?

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