Are you able to separate out the invalidating energies that come your way from time to time, tossing them aside so they don’t get in your way?
What challenges your sense of self validation? Do you criticize yourself, comparing your work, talents, body, abilities, to others? Perhaps you’re very sensitive to other people’s opinions and criticisms, especially during times of growth and transition. During those times when nothing feels certain, you may find yourself doubting your own worth. It’s even harder if you’ve needed other people to tell you that you have value, or if you’ve based your self worth on what value you have to others.
If you learn how to find your validation within yourself, it can’t easily be taken from you. The spiritual strength you build from doing so is worth the time it takes. Become conscious of who you really are, and create a whole new self image. This is up to you alone.
Here are a few ways to help you to remember that you have value.
1. Who do you hang out with? Do you spend time with people who feel valued, and who value you? Or are your friends and family invalidating to be around? If so, they are giving off toxic energy. They may not intend to be doing this, but if you find yourself feeling ‘off’ after spending time around these people, you might want to make a new rule for yourself about how you spend your valuable time and energy. People who cannot have a happy life, who are always angry, who see themselves as victims, or who have a “poor me” complex all fall into this category. If you spend more time around happy, enthusiastic, energetic people, people who are optimistic and creative, who encourage you to do what you love, you will find it easier to feel validated.
2. Spend time with yourself, doing something that is just for you. Especially if you never spend time alone, find a way to give yourself time to simply be, to get your space. Meditate, read a book, learn something new, find something that fascinates you and don’t ask anyone else’s opinion about whether it’s acceptable or not. Just do it, and have it for yourself. Examples: learn to play the guitar, sew, dance, sing, paint, write, and so on. Do it for the sheer joy of doing so, and don’t worry about whether you are doing it “right” or not.
3. Learn to say “no”. Say no to those who want to pollute your environment with their negativity or punishment. Stop allowing others to put you down. Refuse to put up with behavior that is intended to manipulate you into doing what you know you don’t want to do. Own your space. It may be uncomfortable in the present moment to do this, but gets easier as you practice doing so. Remember, with every choice you make, you are teaching others how you want to be treated.
4. Learn to speak kindly and in a validating way to yourself and your body. Listen to any negativity you are speaking to yourself or to others, and become more conscious of it. By becoming aware, you can more easily stop hurting yourself and others with negative messages. To help yourself more clearly understand the effects of negative and positive energy on you and those around you, read The Hidden Messages in Water.
5. Be honest with yourself. Are you doing work that validates you? Is your relationship validating? Do you blame others for how you feel and what you have? Rather than be a victim or lay the blame on others, begin to release the invalidating energies that you have taken on in your life. Grounding is a meditation technique that allows you to safely release energy that simply isn’t you. If you are feeling invalidated, the energy creating the invalidation isn’t yours. Being truthful also allows you to let go of that invalidation. If it doesn’t feel right, it just isn’t you. Let it go!