When you feel outnumbered, and no matter what you do, you can’t seem to get validated, remember that it is always your choice to decide whether or not you have value.
Your true value is not up for a vote. Majority doesn’t get to rule here, even if it feels like it sometimes. You agreed to have a certain value in this lifetime, even if that agreement was an unconscious one.
You may have been valued and received validation in return for any of the following: getting good grades, being responsible, taking care of others, sympathetically listening to people dump their problems, keeping someone else grounded, (or a whole group of them!). You may have found your value in being the smart one, the pretty one, the artistic one, the rich one.
If you find yourself repeatedly caught up in certain behavior patterns in order to be validated and have value, you have agreements to be there. You have chosen, because you get something in return and for now you’ve decided that this is the way you can or will get this thing you want.
What this means is that if you have been a victim to others’ devaluing you, it is time to stop and rethink. Being a victim will get you exactly nowhere, while becoming conscious about what you are doing there in the first place will help you change what you don’t like.
You can’t prove your value to anyone else, nor is it advised to spend your time and energy attempting to do so. If someone can’t value you, no matter who they are, that is their problem, not yours. The chance is pretty high that this person cannot value herself or himself either.
By becoming conscious of who you are allowing to decide your value for you, you can free yourself of other people’s judgments, as well as your own.
©Kris Cahill 2007-2012 All Rights Reserved.
‘Green green!’ ©Tanakawho on Flickr