This is a good thing to keep in mind if you think that it’s up to you whether others heal or not. It isn’t up to you, it’s up to them. You cannot do another person’s work, because it simply isn’t your job.
Many sensitive and caring people feel guilty if they don’t lend an ear when needed, do for others, even at their own expense, and give until it hurts. They even feel guilty for resenting the drama kings and queens in their lives, reminding themselves that they feel lucky to be able to give so much, and it is up to them to do so.
People like this often attract those in need or constant crisis, or who make huge demands on them and their energy. One could say that someone who is doing this is working unconsciously, as an ‘out of control’ healer.
A few guidelines to help you decide if you’ve been an out of control healer:
- You need to fix every problem you come across.
- You have to rescue every hurt soul.
- You see the pain, and immediately jump into action, here to save and rescue the day.
- You feel guilty because you are healthier than others, or have more than others do.
- You seem to collect people in crisis. They flock to your side, spill their tales of woe, and you start mopping up / sponging up, all of that pain.
- You continue to do this, even when people get angry because you try and try to heal them, but they don’t get healed.
- Doing this is exhausting you, and your own health is suffering as a result. You are truly feeling the pain.
Many well meaning and compassionate people make the mistake of giving away their healing energy to others. There is giving, and giving away. If you’ve ever given until it, literally, hurts you, you may be an out of control healer. If your validation depends on how many people you’ve rescued, you may be trying to save them for yourself, not them. You are in their space, trying to change what they are experiencing, and they may not want you to do so.
Overreaching your boundaries like this has several effects on your space: your body will suffer, you will have a hard time seeing yourself clearly, and you can create karma with others by not allowing them to do their own work.
None of this is to say that those who care about others and help out when people are in need, are doing anything wrong. If anything, we need more volunteers, more people to help out, to give from the heart, on this planet. There is a more conscious way to do this, a way to give without giving away all of your energy. Because once you give it all away, it’s gone, and that won’t do you or anyone else any good at all.
Another way you could be an unconscious healer is by not having what it is you really want, if others can’t also have it. Guilt, in other words, stops you from living your life to the fullest you are able. You are healing others, even if you don’t know it, by doing this.
If you’ve held back, waiting for others to be ready to take a step, you are healing them, not yourself. Actually, nobody’s going anywhere with all of that ‘stop’ energy. If you decide to be brave enough and step up to the plate in your own game, star in your own life, you may hear more screaming than cheering at first, but persist and you’ll begin to get to where you want to go.
There is another way to be a healer.
We teach others how to treat us, by how we treat ourselves. If you’ve taught others that it’s okay to drag their muddy shoes across your floor, or throw pain and punishment into your space, you can change all of that. You can decide, right now, to begin to heal yourself. As a healer, it is up to you to do so. All healing is self healing, and if you begin with yourself, you teach others they can do it too.