Yes, you did create all of the relationships you have. They weren’t just foisted upon you. This doesn’t make you responsible for the actions of the other person in the relationship, and it also doesn’t excuse anyone from being abusive or mean. Just because you find yourself in a relationship it doesn’t mean you have to stay there. As your consciousness about who you are changes, so will your relationships.
Brilliant relationships require care, communication, consciousness, and creativity in order to stay brilliant. Especially the one you have with you, because it determines what you create with others.
Creative communication in a relationship can determine how far the relationship can grow and develop. If you constantly expect the others you are in relationship with to see things your way, or to match to you and always agree with you, the relationship will get stuck. If you’re in a relationship with someone who is rigid and afraid to change, you know the feelings of frustration this attitude can create.
So even if you both think you’re not creating anything, you always are, by the choices you each make. Relationships are agreements. A clear conscious honest agreement with another person is a gift. You don’t need more yes men in your life – you need friends who will be direct, honest, and open with you. Those are the people one can trust.
So if you are tired of being around deceitful, invalidating, stuck people, first of all, forgive them. Secondly, give yourself the permission to create some new relationships with people who are interested in growth, who want to do the work it takes to create real friendships, who, even when afraid, do their work anyway. Nobody’s perfect, and we all need a break from time to time. But ask yourself this: do you keep creating the kinds of relationships you don’t want, and that don’t serve your growth, that don’t support and validate you? That can all change the moment you say ‘when’.