Sometimes the unraveling is the healing

When everything in your world seems to be unraveling, it’s not easy to see how healing is taking place.

If you’ve held tightly onto what has been, to the things you thought were real, it’s even more painful when those things begin to fall apart.

It’s in the holding on tightly that you might have, unwittingly, held back the new growth. By holding onto what’s familiar to you, you make it difficult for that which needs to go away, to do so. You’re holding it all together when it needs to fall apart. You lose your energy when you do this, when you act as if you have any control over the outcome. There is a bigger picture, and you might be trying to do a job that was never yours to begin with.

If you think you’re responsible for keeping it all together, think again. It may have been the job you agreed to do, but is it still working for you now?

A few points to consider if you suspect you may be holding it all together:

  • You are tired much of the time, even though you never seem to be doing what it is you want to do. Yet, you are always available to take care of details for others and feel guilty if you say no to any requests for your time.
  • You always feel bad for the pain others are in or the hardships they are going through. You attract people in crisis to yourself like moths to a flame.
  • You lie awake at night dreaming up solutions to help others out of a jam.
  • You resist any changes in your external world.
  • You’re the one who is the place holder for all of the stuff the rest of your family doesn’t want. You feel responsible for the family heirlooms, history, and relationships.

You might like your place as the hub of the wheel, the one who takes care of it all. But if you’re wondering why you don’t have what it is you want in your life, look no further. The culprit, the one holding you back, is none other than yourself. You can’t blame the others if you choose to be responsible for them. You trained them to expect this from you, so it’s no wonder that they do.

By the same token, you can retrain everyone in your life, to see you as someone who deserves respect and space. In order to do this, you must begin with yourself. Draw your new line in the sand for you, and don’t cross it. Allow the things that need to fall apart, to do so. Look at what is honestly your responsibility, and what isn’t. Act accordingly.

If you can find the peace and strength within yourself to let go of what needs to go, you’ll have more of your own energy available to heal yourself, and to create your life. This is your true responsibility.

©Kris Cahill
‘Tendril’ ©Hamid on Flickr

Like This!

Add to FacebookAdd to DiggAdd to Del.icio.usAdd to StumbleuponAdd to RedditAdd to BlinklistAdd to TwitterAdd to TechnoratiAdd to Yahoo BuzzAdd to Newsvine

17 thoughts on “Sometimes the unraveling is the healing

  1. This is so beautifully put. I have to bookmark it. There are many times in our lives when we could fall into these categories: and sometimes do. It’s a good reminder to not let ourselves get caught in the traps that prevent us from growing. Thank you.

    • Thank you, Mary, for reading. I like to tell people that I write what I’ve lived. This post is my past, not my present or future, I’m happy to say. It’s all about growing now, and how much fun is that?

    • Hi Gail, I don’t think it needs to be fixed, but allowed to go away. If you’ve been using your energy to keep it all together and you become conscious of that fact, you are in a perfect place to begin to change it. No fixing required, just honesty with yourself and a new set of rules to live by. It’s all in your court. Much healing and peace to you.

  2. Kris,

    About nine years ago when I was going through a very tough period in my life – a transition – I read a magazine article about grief and healing. The one thing that stuck with me is that it said you are allowed to be sad, but you should not allow that sadness and grief to define your life, because you won’t be able to move forward. Give yourself time.

    So I let myself have a good cry on and off for a little while. In between I started setting new goals for myself. It was the right words at the right time for me, just as this blog post will be for many others.

    • Thanks again, Mary. I know we have so much to help each other with, and the right words at the right time can really turn those keys within, can’t they? I have often felt the same when reading something I came across, and am only too happy to offer what I can to help.

      It’s great that you give yourself permission to feel the grief and to release it. It takes time to heal, and it’s good to be easy on yourself while you do.

  3. Thank you Kris! I’ve definitely been experiencing some major unraveling, while emotionally painful at times I am definitely grateful for what I have been receiving through letting go.

    “If you can find the peace and strength within yourself to let go of what needs to go, you’ll have more of your own energy available to heal yourself, and to create your life. This is your true responsibility.” Exactly what I needed to hear 🙂

    Love to you!

    ~ Christina

    • Christina, you are very welcome! I wish you much peace, love, and healing. I know you’ll come through whatever it is you are handling, and be stronger for it.


  4. Thank you for this post. My computer is broken and I just happen to be on my husbands and was able to read this at a time when I needed it most. This problem I am having I am going to give it to the Universe and not worry about which way it goes and go from there. Thank you.

    Love you,
    Karen Maxwell Gouskos

    • Karen, I’m so glad I decided to post this piece when I did. It is the energy of the time we are in, and I’m glad this piece helped you. It helped me too when I wrote it, and I’m so happy to share. Be well!


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s