The healing power of anger

Who had permission to get angry in the household you grew up in?

Was it you, your mother or father,  or someone else? Was anger seen as natural and a way of releasing? Or was it judged as being a negative and unsafe emotion?

It may be that only the women in your family were allowed to get angry, or only the men. There simply wasn’t room for anyone else ‘to express their feelings of annoyance, displeasure, or hostility’ – (Webster’s definition of anger). It may have been unsafe for someone else, if you got angry. Maybe there was a lot of unconscious anger being thrown around already, and everyone else was expected to stuff theirs. Children who get angry are often viewed as being bad or disobedient.

If you grew up with this kind of energy, your natural ability to use anger constructively without judging yourself, may have become tainted. You may have learned to fear your own natural anger. Chances are that if you had no permission to get angry when you were young, you didn’t have any space either. If someone else couldn’t have you getting angry, your natural range of emotions was controlled. A judgment was placed in your space about anger. You learned to avoid ‘making’ someone else angry. People lie all of the time to each other to avoid an angry response. The fear of anger makes us into liars.

When anger is used unconsciously, and thrown at anyone who happens to be in the way, it isn’t constructive or healing. It can actually be punishing for those on the receiving end, who may have done nothing to cause the anger. If someone is always angry, running on anger, that may just be their style. But if they misdirect it into your space, or at others, this is when it becomes a negative energy.

When your feelings haven’t been acknowledged by others as being important, you may need to get angry to move that invalidation out of your way. If you’re being honest with yourself about what you’re expressing, and it still isn’t heard, anger can help you to get stuck energy moving again. If you repress your true natural anger for long enough, it will come out in other ways, whether in your body’s health, your emotional health, or your energy levels. Repressed anger can lead to depression.

Being honest with yourself helps you to avoid having to stuff your own anger. If you’ve been trying to fit into the small amount of space others have decided you’re allowed to have, anger is a natural response. Like a volcano, once you release that energy, you can cool down and create something new, something more true for you.

©Kris Cahill

http://PsychicEveryday.com http://KrisCahill.com
‘Angry Sky’ on Pixdaus

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4 thoughts on “The healing power of anger

  1. This is a great message for me today! It’s so good to be reminded that sometimes depression comes from repressed anger. Sometimes it helps immensely to acknowledge the anger in the first place.

  2. Thank you Kris! I can relate to this issue very well. No one in my household was allowed to express anger, but my father. It took a long time to learn to feel safe expressing anger within a healthy relationship. I’m still working on it though. Withdrawal will still be my first reaction. I have to consciously tell myself that it is OK that I am angry and should talk about what makes me angry before it gets released inappropriately. It’s a work in progress. What really hit home today was that anger suppression turns us into liars. I have a lot of energy on that issue. Lying was survival. The main fear was the loss of love. Now I will admit some of my life choices as a teenager and young adult were not exactly “wholesome” and I still wouldn’t want my parents to know (although one is passed already), BUT lying became a constant way to relate to them. Their picture of me was comfortable for them and I didn’t want to change it. This is an excellent posting Kris. I am going to clear a lot of energy now. I’ll be curious to see other comments.

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